Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
