I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
