i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Are we still banned from the library?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
