Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
