last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
