I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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