5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize