the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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