Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
