You're completely useless in the revolution.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
