So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
