oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
