Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
