she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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