CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
