The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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