sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The Olympian is in my bed
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
