yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
