I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
