I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize