Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
