Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
