wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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