she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
