we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
