I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
