Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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