Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize