I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
