Where is the hickey?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
