i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
