What did we do last night that was yellow?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
