oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
