Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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