So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
