I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
