Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
