I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
