Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
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