Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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