I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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