I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
