Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
