You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
