Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
