So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
