k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
