Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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