all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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