Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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