Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize