Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
