I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
