Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
