yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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