I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
