Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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