4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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