I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
