So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize