You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
