I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
