Define "chronic" masturbator.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
