I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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