It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
