Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
