She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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