TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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