So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
