I heard we made out
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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