i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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