In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
