so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
