I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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