Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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