Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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