just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
