you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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