If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't deserve a penis
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
