check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I want you more than these girls want KFC
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
