Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
