It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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