i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
