It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
