Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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