Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
