happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
