So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
