billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize