the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
